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Today my Valentine is a lovely young woman, without whom karaoke would just not be the same. After that, I discuss the importance of loving oneself.
A little about Jen: Jen can be seen DJing karaoke on Wednesday nights at Snowzee's (the bar formerly known as Seven O's) in Sunderland. She's also a grad student at Springfield College studying Exercise Physiology. She works in a bone lab.
Commence Wooing
Listen Jen, they call me the Candy Man in your domain. That's because I'm looking for some sweets, and I think you got what I need. We can mix it up and make the world taste good. Hell, I think I can best express myself like this:
Our Dream Date: Jennifer is always leading the guests in square dances, especially “Cotton Eye Joe.” She also wanted us to show up to karaoke for a “white trash” night, in which the men wore beaters and trucker hats. Clearly, the date should be like a country ho-down. Luckily, I already have a cowboy-ish belt buckle that features an arrowhead pointing down.
I would somehow acquire a pick up truck and fill the back with bales of hay. I would drive her onto a mountain, we'd play some country western music and sit in the back, watching the stars as we eat beef jerky and drink moonshine.
Quick Correction: Jen has informed me that she is only "country" inside the four walls of Snowzee's, so if anybody can lend me a portable neon beer sign to help "put her in the mood," I would greatly appreciate that.
The one Oscar Wilde quote you are obligated to revisit several times is “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” These are especially good words after a break up.
A break up, when done right, is falling in love with yourself all over again, but for some reason it starts with hating yourself. Maybe even engaging in self-destructive behavior. This is especially true if you've made the mistake of letting the relationship define who you are.
I know I did. I dropped all of my other interests in favor of the relationship. I decided I was no longer an actor and I started watching LOST online instead of watching it on Wednesday nights. I know the latter example doesn't sound too drastic, but it is indicative of my attitude. I should have gone out of my way for a little me-time.
Instead, work would end and I would go straight to see my girlfriend. I'm guessing those hours I was at work was her me-time; she didn't have a job outside of being a grad student. One summer I acted in two Shakespeare plays, and that was too much for her. So I haven't been in a production since, so I've done karaoke contests to replace that.
So, I had two functions in life: go to work, and then be a boyfriend. At one point in my life I was known as a performer, a free spirit, that wild and crazy guy. But no, I was just a lover during that stretch. And a substitute teacher. Maybe a karaoke superstar and an aspiring novelist, too, but I tried to coordinate my writing with her studying.
When she left, I only felt like a used-up lover.
I'm so glad she left me right before October, because that gave me work to do: my Halloween costume. I know that'll strike you Christmas people as weird (Seriously, I divide the world by what types of holidays people like. That's why I don't know what to do with Jahovah's Witnesses.), but Halloween gives me a sense of purpose. I think holidays can have that effect.
Anyway, I had to design the perfect werewolf costume. I hadn't done a “scary” costume since 2000 when I was the Phantom of the Opera. My devotion to Halloween has not yet been matched by any of my girlfriends, but I had one who did an awesome job dressing as the Tooth Fairy. Having this interest that stemmed from no woman helped me find myself again.
Karaoke also helped. I could put on performances that would have made me think “What would [Trudy] think?” I made friends with my brother's coworkers at UMass Transit in the process... I wonder how he feels about it. That group was very instrumental in my recovery. They actually held the big Halloween party I attended.
I would also love to thank my friends, Will, Samson, and Aaron, for helping me find out what it was like to just be one of the guys again, and it's great! Will and Aaron, along with my bro, actually accompanied me to a Halloween ball I won tickets for over the radio.
After a couple of weeks, I realized that I had a lot more life in me. I was happier, but if anything, I was taking life more seriously. I worked hard to make the most of the present, even if that meant goofing off with my friends.
In my cheesy way, I woke up every day of October asking “Who the f- am I?” I was a real “Nowhere Man,” like the Beatles song. But the pieces started falling in place. I quickly learned to make decisions based on what I wanted to do, not what I thought was most pleasing to a partner.
I went back to Oscar Wilde's quote and realized it was true. I might have taken it a bit too seriously, referring to myself as “my boyfriend.” I thought it was so great to wake up next to the person I loved most every morning.
Recently, I had the following epiphany: no woman would ever love me as much as I loved myself. I told someone this, and it made her sad. I tried to explain to her that was a good thing. I wanted to see the world with myself, do everything with myself! Although I grew cynical of relationships after having two long ones in a row, I was still quite the romantic.
I must have been a bore to my past girlfriend, having voluntarily relinquished my personality to be the “ideal lover.” Must have been like dating a wall. In arguments, I acted like one. I didn't have my own side to any fight.
After a couple of weeks into being single, my mind started racing to past arguments I had and I was finally defending myself, though she was not there. I'd fume up in my car until my “ideal lover” had to calm me down saying, “it's okay. You have nothing to do with her, anymore.”
Best thing about being my own lover? I am so not jealous! I let me flirt and dance with women, in fact, I encourage it! How chill is that?
I'm still learning about myself all over again. Should I ever go back to relationships, I'll probably be an even better lover than I was before. I'll know who I am, and I can bring myself to the table. Because love is a partnership, not a hive mind.
Here we are, four months after the break up. It'll be the first time I'm single on Valentine's Day since 2004, and for some reason, I'm not bitter. I feel that this holiday is for me, too, which is why I'm writing these series.
If you're looking for a romantic movie suggestion, may I suggest Music & Lyrics? It stars Hugh Grant as a washed up pop star and Drew Barrymore as a quirky lyricist. It's the perfect romantic comedy because you don't end up hating either of the lovers at the end.
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